Cosplazy Blog

Hi there. The blog has lagged, due to my computer continuously breaking on me and the shear fact that while I’m at school, sometimes things like “classes” and “papers” get in the way. But today, I was bored, whined to Kelly about it, and she threw a picture at me, told me I was a worthless shrew, and ordered me to do it or suffer the consequences. What a joker that girl is, ha ha!

So she was talking about this anime called Elfen something-or-other (Just the word “elf” assured me there would probably be something good) and was blabbering on about this character called Nana or someone…god, I have a listening problem…and she showed me what I thought was a naked homeless girl who was smiling because she was just happy to be alive, even if she had no clothes! She gets high on life, sunshine, and having hot pink hair. Who needs a mortgage to worry about? I got cardboard in my hand, I’ll make my own damn house!

But no, apparently this is a character who’s like, continuously naked (which I wouldn’t mind, I’ll admit. Ah, exhibitionism) but bloody (okay, I’d mind that) and some other stuff that I can’t remember. Sue me, I’m the only non-anime crazed (and sane) person on this site.

If there’s one thing I always, always, ALWAYS hate about costumes, it’s the nude full body unitard. Oh, how I despise such a thing. I find them tacky when they’re not used in dance recitals or, how I used them back in the day, as a substitute for like, long johns or something. I usually wore them underneath an outfit if I KNEW I was going out and it would be 30 degrees. Just extra warmth. However, when poking out of a costume, I think, “Are they trying to cover up a bad case of hives?” or “Psh, gurl, we KNOW you got cellulite.” Basically, it screams, “My body’s not good enough on it’s own.” There’s the truth and then there’s denial.

Now, obviously, I know this girl can’t just waltz into the local community center naked or anything (well, without me daring her to for $20). But seriously, there’s other costumes. Good for her for being a speshul snowflake and all, going outside the norm, but that has GOT to be extremely uncomfortable, being in a unitard AND thinking, “My God, my starvation methods didn’t work, look at this frickin’ bunching I got going on around my Hoo-ha!”

…Plus, she just ruined a perfectly good unitard by throwing some red food coloring on it haphazardly. Get any doctor to look at this, they’ll be all, “…and she’s supposed to be bleeding from where?” It’s as if she was shaving her whole body (hey, there’s some hairy girls out there, trust) and happened to nick a few places, here and there. You guys should see my legs after some light deforestation, it can get pretty gruesome.

Oh, and Britney Spears wants her disgusting pink wig back. C’mon girl, don’t you know where that thing has BEEN? Seriously.

Please, construct an outfit out of that cardboard your holding, flag down a taxi, go home, and throw on a dress. No one needs to see this!

It was June in 2002. Some friends and I were at our very first Anime convention, Anime Mid-Atlantic 2. I made a Ryoko costume in about a week, along with a gigantic Ryoko wig made out of loopy. I looked great. Shutup.

Anyway, I got used to the con atmosphere quickly and was having an amazing time, and though my cosplay judgement skills were not as acute as they are now, I could tell the bad from the good.

This was taken at this past Anime USA, but Carpet Guy (or Carpet Bag) has been my cosplay hero since that June oh so long ago. Why do we call him Carpet Guy? No one really remembers what started it; whether it was a piece of his costume looked like it was made out of carpet or maybe he smelled like old carpets, ever since someone said “hey, did you see that guy in that costume with like, a pillow on his head or something??” he has been a legend. We would trade stories of him walking alone down the hallways muttering to himself, or stopping someone to ask if they liked his costume. Stacy even had the pleasure of talking to him when she was dressed as Yumi from Magic Knight Rayearth. She was walking to the bathroom when she saw Carpet Guy in the hallway. Her heart raced as he passed, and she almost choked on it when he called out to her “Yumi, from Magic Knights Rayearth. Voiced by Wendy Lee.” in a voice not unlike Jimmy from South Park.

 I know you were expecting some serious hate on this guy, but I have nothing but weird respect for him. If you ever go to a con around the DC area, keep a lookout for Carpet Guy. He’s not hard to spot because this is one of maybe three costumes that he has. Strike up a conversation with him, take a picture. I will pay you for pictures of Carpet Guy. I WILL.

 

Wow, if I knew it was THAT easy to cosplay, I would have gotten off my lazy ass a long time ago and just went to a convention wearing my 9 year-old neighbor’s clothes from when I… well, never mind that; what I’m trying to say is: WHAT? 

This guy obviously put a lot of thought and effort into his costume…a t-shirt flipped inside-out and upside-down, some basketball shorts and boxers. Clearly he just left an all-male gang bang at the men’s locker room from inside the gym of the Motel 6 down the street. I mean really, how awesome is his “sex hair”? At least he did something right.

“Unfinished”…yeah, I bet.

Here at cosplazy we try to uphold some strict standards when it comes to writing our blogs on cosplay distasters.  Perhaps the most important of all is class.  It takes only the most skilled of critics to express distaste without disrespect.  On the other hand, our job does not lie solely in calling out cosplay follies gone horribly wrong. We also pride ourselves in recognizing pure talent in costume making.  We’d like to share this talent with the whole world.  As with THIS much talent, it would be a SIN not to.

 

  

We clearly have a professional cosplayer here folks, this is the best Frida Kahlo I have ever seen! Well… besides the real deal, that is.

Wondering why The Beast is not standing alongside his pasty lady garnished in these fine window furnishings? BECAUSE SHE ATE HIM. Yeah, I said it.

 I wouldn’t be surprised if she ate the rest of the cast of Beauty and the Beast as well. I mean what happened to the lovely Belle with the long flowing hair, and the nice creamy skin? I think too many years of living in a castle in the middle of nowhere made her a little bit crazy, or should I say cannibalistic? No, well if the beast was a beast at the time then it doesn’t count right? OH BELLE YOU SMART DEVIL!

 Or maybe the thing we are looking at above is really El Chupicabra, and he ate her as well. Damn you El Chupicabra, eating up all my favorite Disney princesses.

 First off, like Kelly said in the last blog entry, yes, she came out to visit me after 5 long years of lust on her part. I had to fight her off me, and yes, it was a struggle, but my dignity is still intact. We still had scads of fun, though. YAYZ. I plan on visiting her in the near future myself. We’ll see how my own dignity goes then.

Anyways, I’m just a tad confused here. I daresay this entry’s victim is too.

This is a dude Kelly snapped a picture of at whatever con she went to (like I pay attention when she talks!) like, 3 weeks ago. She shared this little gift with me and I snickered. This guy is either one and/or all of these things:

• A raver — he’s wearing bondage pants, which is what a lot of ravers in Las Vegas wear (I don’t exactly know about other areas).
• A furry — He does have that raccoon tale going on. You know those robotic gags of say, a cheetos bag with a raccoon tale sticking out of it, used to scare people on the streets? I think he ripped the tail out from one of those and stapled it to his butt.
• A girl/transsexual — Well…there is the corset paired with a shiny purple shirt. How coordinating and trés chíc. And although I myself am partial to very very skinny anorexic boys, this isn’t the way to go about it.
• Michael Jackson — He does look confused.

I don’t know! I can’t be bothered with such trivial estimating. I want to know what this guy’s story is.

 

When I first saw this picture in a thumbnail, I seriously thought this girl was seriously oblivious to the fact she forgot a little something (or rather, a few things, including her mind).

 On further review, I thought, “Nevermind, that was intentional.”

Nope, that kind of resembles the leotard I wore one Halloween when I was a princess and my mom decided it was too cold to wear something sleevless. Hence, the flesh-colored leotard came into play.

In the 4chan thread I got this from, I learned that this person was a sad version of a character called Slan, from Beserk (remember, I’m the one here who isn’t into anime and/or manga whatsoever). So Slan is supposed to let a draft hit her intentionally. I’m okay with that, so let’s metaphotically tear her apart on her other snafu’s, shall we?

First of all…where the heck are the supposed wings? It’s one thing to show up with sad, angel wings to get across that yes, she’s SUPPOSED to have wings somehow, but to show up without any? Well, now you’re a half-naked idiot in a corset and leotard. Way to go. No, no one’s looking. I swear. They know you’re Slan. I swear. Shhh, that’s not laughing you hear.

And it looks like her hair is supposed to be…urm…free-moving, shall I say? Not just some green wig. Save that for when you’re doing Poison Ivy cosplay or something. (Despite the fact her hair is red, but we’ll overlook that in the future).

Word to the wise — if you don’t finish your costume in time for a con, please, just put on cat ears and go with it. There will always be another con for you to wow your peers with; just not this one. It’s not the end of the world. You will be put up on 4chan or Cosplazy. We do not forgive.

For those of you who attended Anime USA 2006, I’m sure you’re all familiar with this inspirational figure.

Pooh Bear the Pimp.

What is so inspirational about this manbear? Some say it is his majestic pimp cane; others say his awe-inspiring girth. Perhaps it is his pimp cup, brimming with intoxicating (no, literally) sapience.

Personally, I think it is the unconventional words of wisdom he offers to all those who cross his path.

After walking around in 5-inch heels all day, he said, “Girl, if you can pull them heels off, you can be anything you wanna be, honey!”

Remarkable words– from a remarkable manbear.

Although he sounded more like a robust black woman preaching about “shoclate cake”, I took these words to heart and set out to fulfill my lifelong dream: to create a site to poke fun of some subculture that the average human being has no knowledge of.

And so the dream lives on.

It’s just a shame that his importance in the Cosplay community has been undermined, or even at times, made fun of.

Well we here at Cosplazy will do no such thing!

Show your support for PBTP by replying to this quote with horrible pick-up lines!
IE: “Are those astronaut pants? because you are OUT OF THIS WORLD.”

That is all.

I was browsing acparadise.com for fun things to do the other day and came across something that angered me, and actually has been angering me since Anime USA last November.

“Whats wrong with them? They look okay to me.”

Sure, they look OKAY— if you’ve never been to a con before. Since Silent Hill hit the big screen, the amount of demon nurses/bobblehead nurses making appearances at cons has skyrocketed. And, in the fashion of all cosplay surges, most of them are just… not right. So I know I made bobblehead nurses and went a little blood crazy, and should maybe have used papier mache instead of masks, but they looked pretty cool anyway. One thing the above nurses forgot was DIRT. They’re supposed to be DIRTY. I also seem to remember the heads aren’t wrapped with gauze but swollen. I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that I’m not. Now, here’s an example of a bad one:

Okay, ma’am? Have you ever seen the movie or played the games? Because you just look like an elementary school nurse who had a bad run-in with some kid who was violently spewing Kool-Aid. What’s worse is that it’s all over your mouth and eyes.

Kids, if you’re going to make a Silent Hill nurse please don’t assume it’s easy and go for any old pseudo-nurse getup. Also, don’t forget the blood, ash, and dirt. And for the LOVE of GOD, do not wear your sneakers in place of those little white heels. I might just have beat you with a lead pipe.

Hey. I hope all you out there are looking at these and taking this stuff seriously.

Unfortunately, some people just never listen, and those people deserve to be ridiculed.

Take, for instance, “Cloud” and “Sephiroth” here.

There’s…wow. Okay. There’s absolutely NO justice for this picture. I am in fact stumped at what to say. I mean, where can I start? May I start with the obvious, it being that the guy under the white grandma wig resembles more the Indian doctor I used to babysit for? That Cloud apparently has gained a thyroid problem…and now can’t wear his belt correctly? (God help me, if the belt over the shoulder becomes a fashion statement in the next Versache show… Or that Inuyasha in the background there seems more interested talking to his mother than paying attention to the massacre behind him?

Oh well. Like I said, I’m frickin’ stumped here. It’s almost too easy, but I’ll let you make up your own jokes.

Thanks to 4chan!